Have you noticed that negative comments and events stick with us much longer and influence us more than positive ones? I’m sure you’ve experienced this quite a few times. For example, a positive comment by your teacher is appreciated, but the effects wear off quickly. On the other hand, a negative comment sticks with you much longer. Why is that? It’s because our brains have a bias to negativity. It’s measurable and there have been brain scan studies done that show that our brain reacts more strongly to negative stimuli. Then, the big question is, how do we fight against our brain’s bias to negativity?
What can we do to make sure negative remarks and criticism don’t get us down? The first step is that we realize that there is such a thing. This allows us to take each piece of negativity with a grain of salt. It can be incredibly helpful to acknowledge that our minds and hearts may overreact about something negative. On the flip side, this knowledge also allows us to make it a point to savor the positivity. Don’t dismiss a compliment out of hand. Instead, savor it, think about it, and make it a point to remember it, and allow it to lift you up when negativity brings you down.
Of course, all of this is easier said than done. Since this bias to negativity is hard-wired in our brains, building new, more positive habits takes a lot of time and effort. Remind yourself each morning that your mind is trying to force you to focus on the negative stuff and that it takes a conscious effort to balance it out by being mindful of all the good and happy things in our lives.
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Over time this will allow us to grow a thicker skin for unwarranted criticism. Should you ignore every single comment or suggestion that you don’t like? Of course not. There is such a thing as constructive criticism that helps us grow and get better at what we do. We need to guard against the negative words, events, and feelings that make us go hide in a cave. We don’t want to encourage inaction in ourselves. Instead, we want to use the positivity around us to lift us up and help us make it through the tough times, get stronger, and get better at what we do.
Reflecting on both the good and the bad daily can be a great exercise to help us gain a little distance and see everything happening to us in a better light. Keep a journal or set aside some time for quiet contemplation. Another excellent idea is to talk things out with a friend, particularly when you’re struggling with something negative that you’ve had a hard time getting past. Above all, do what you can to outweigh the negativity with the good stuff. Keep a box or file with some of the best positive emails and comments you’ve gotten. Peruse through them whenever you need to counteract something negative. As time goes by, you’ll grow thicker skin that will protect you from your harshest critics.
We all go through hard times. There are periods in our lives where it is hard to find much joy and happiness amid a sea of sadness and overwhelm. We have times when we feel like we’re in way over our head and can’t think straight. That causes lots of stress and as we’ve talked about in a previous blog post, stress kills happiness.
There are also incredibly sad times in our lives. Relationships end and we lose loved ones. There is certainly a time to grieve and we need to process that loss. We also need these sad moments in life to contrast the happier ones. Without sadness, happiness would be very meaningless. Think about that for a moment. If you’re never sad, always happy, happiness becomes the new normal, not something to appreciate and strive toward.
That being said, there are things you can do to find a little happiness during these tough times. Often that is all it takes to help you make it through that period in your life. You can’t expect to flip a switch and suddenly everything is rainbows and roses. And why would you want that? We need time to process and grieve when we lose someone, and the overwhelm and stress help us stay on our toes and get stuff done. We need to see a little light at the end of the tunnel. We need that little bit of happiness to give us hope.
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Let’s talk about how you can go about creating that little bit of happiness to get you through the hard times. The first thing you may want to focus on is gratitude. Whenever you feel particularly bad, sad, or overwhelmed and don’t know where to turn, think about the many people and things in your life that you can be grateful for. If you’ve recently lost a loved one, be thankful for the time you’ve had with them and the things you’ve learned from this special person. If you’re stressed out at work or in your own business, be grateful that you’re growing and making progress. It may not be easy, but this overwhelming feeling and stress usually mean much better things are ahead.
I find it’s also extremely helpful to find joy in the little things. Maybe you’re not ready to be grateful and that’s ok. Instead, pay attention to your surroundings and find a little joy in what’s around you. Let that toddler playing in the park put a smile on your face. Enjoy the first warm rays of sunshine in the spring, or notice how beautiful that flower in your garden is. In other words, look around and find a little joy and happiness where you can. Above all, remember that it’s ok to see and appreciate these little moments of happiness even during hard times.
“Don’t sweat the small stuff,” they say. And they – whoever “they” is, have a good point. It’s easy to get caught up in all the little things that stress us out and ruin our day. Hmmmmm…, it’s not worth wasting a lot of energy on a lot of things that happen daily that we don’t like. Sure, we could get upset over the fact that someone else took the last good parking spot or that the grocery store is out of our favorite brand of cereal. Or we can choose not to make a big deal out of it and use that small, fairly insignificant stuff to practice seeing the positive side of things. Having to park further away means we get to exercise a little and enjoy the fresh air and sunshine for a couple of minutes while we stroll into the office. Can’t find our favorite cereal means we get a chance to try something new that we may like even better.
There are often two sides to any situation and as humans, we have a choice in how we look at it. Make it a goal to look on the bright side and watch your happiness and contentment go up. Then take it a step further and start to really pay attention to all the good stuff around you. Stop and smell the roses, if you will.
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I’m serious. There’s a lot of value in noticing all the positive things around you. There’s a lot of tiny little things around you that will put a smile on your face if you take the time to notice them. Make it a habit to spend some of your downtime this week to savor the small stuff. Notice how your cup of coffee smells, how it warms your hands on a cool morning, and how it tastes. Pay attention to the birds outside your window and notice how watching them and their antics around the birdfeeder make you smile. Appreciate the hug your little one gives you after you pick her up from school. In other words, savor all the small stuff that makes you happy. It may not be much, but it all adds up to a very happy life. You just have to take the time to notice it.
Over the coming weeks, practice noticing and savoring the small stuff. Don’t let the bad stuff bring you down. Instead, make it a goal to find something positive about everything that happens to you throughout the day. Pay particular attention to all the little things that make you smile. Acknowledge them, and it won’t take long before you feel this simple little exercise making a big difference in your overall outlook on life.
Like it or not, we are social creatures who crave human connections. It is hardwired into our brains because we need to work together to ensure the survival of our species. We have to work together to make this happen. It only makes sense then that forming and maintaining those connections has a built-in internal reward. On the flip side, when we spend too much time isolated and alone, we start to feel sad, depressed and if that isolation lasts too long, we can go mad.
And it is our interaction with other people more than anything else that brings us happiness. It isn’t the amount of money we make or have stashed away in a bank account. It isn’t the big house, the fancy car, and all the stuff we accumulate over the years. What makes us happy is spending time and sharing experiences with other people.
Of course, not every single person makes us happy. We all have to deal with plenty of people we don’t particularly enjoy spending time together. We do it to work jointly on a project at the office because they are our neighbors or because they happen to work out next to us at the gym. Some people we are ambivalent about, others we’d rather not spend time with given a choice. Yet, there are still benefits to these relationships. We work well together, challenge each other and become better people and better contributors to society at large when we collaborate. This has its own rewards.
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On the other hand, when we are with people we love and whose company we enjoy, we get a lot of joy, satisfaction, and happiness out of those interactions. We have evolved into beings who crave mental, social, and physical connections. There’s a reason almost everyone appreciates a heartfelt hug.
Spending time with people who love and encourage us, and those that challenge us, and make us push harder, helps us grow as human beings. We get better when we have cheerleaders and mentors around us. There’s a reason people say that you are or will become the average of the five people you spent the most time around. Pick those around you wisely if you want to grow as a person and if your goal is happiness, spend as much time as you can with happy, positive people.
Above all, make sure you nurture those important close relationships with family and friends. Those connections will help boost your happiness and make you feel like you’re part of something bigger that gives meaning to your life.
When you’re having a bad day or are feeling down, the best way to increase your happiness may be to exercise. There is a strong link between exercise and improved mood and well-being. Give it a try. Go for a 30-minute walk whenever you’re feeling depressed and unhappy. You’ll notice your mood starting to increase throughout the walk. As you get back, you may notice that you’re feeling even happier.
This increase in happiness and well-being after exercise is caused by two different mechanisms in our body. The first is that exercise causes the release of brain chemicals like endorphins and other mood enhancers. This happens just a few minutes after you work out and the effect can last for a good 12 hours. The second part of the equation is that exercise also helps reduce the levels of stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline in the body. That means you’ll instantly feel less stressed. This one-two punch can have a powerful effect on how you feel. Something as simple as a brisk walk can immediately help you feel better.
For best results, you want to exercise a few times per week. Take some time during your lunch break to go for a walk or fit a quick workout in before you head to work in the morning. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you start moving around and get that blood pumping. Pick activities you enjoy that you will stick with.
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In addition to the everyday mood booster you get from exercising regularly, there are quite a few additional long-term benefits. Exercise is good for your health and you will start to get fitter and even slimmer and more toned if you stick with it. This, in turn, will improve how you feel and how you feel about yourself. That added confidence can be a tremendous mood booster.
For best results, try to get as much exercise as you can outside. Fresh air and sunshine add to a feeling of well-being. Come up with some simple things you can start doing right now. Maybe it’s going for a walk each afternoon. Perhaps it’s taking up jogging. Maybe it’s signing up for a Yoga or Pilate’s class at your local community center, or maybe it’s joining a basketball team. It doesn’t matter what you choose to do as long as you make it a goal to get more active and move around. Switch it up and plan a group hike for the weekend or dust off your bike. There’s a lot of fun ways to move around and enjoy the world around you.
It’s hard to be happy when you’re stressed. I don’t have to tell you that. I’m sure you’ve experienced it yourself. Think back on high-stress situations like missing a flight to go on vacation or when you were planning your wedding and things got overwhelming and started to fall apart. Hopefully, you were able to recover and enjoy your time away or your wedding day, but the chances are that you weren’t too happy while you were stressed out. Stress sucks the happiness and joy right out of us.
It only makes sense then that one way to increase our happiness and our quality of life is to distress. Not only is it good for our soul, but it’s also good for our overall health and wellbeing to reduce the stress in our lives. Here are some simple things you can do to distress.
Get Enough Sleep
An easy way to stress less is to ensure you get a good seven to eight hours of sleep at night. When we don’t sleep well and don’t sleep enough, our bodies are in a constant state of stress, trying to make up for the lack of sleep. Sleep helps us relax and gives our mind time to process everything that’s been happening. Stop burning the midnight oil and get some sleep. You’ll get more done when you’re fresh and rested and you’ll be less stressed out.
Move Around And Get Some Exercise
Without a doubt, the best stress reliever is exercise. Start moving around and burn that stress right out of your system. If you can get outside to workout, even better. The fresh air and sunshine will do wonders. Go for a run, or even just a short walk whenever you’re feeling stressed. For best results, work out regularly.
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There are times in our lives when we have to spend a lot of focus and attention on others. Maybe you are raising a toddler, or perhaps you’re working hard to get a new company off the ground. When busy times like these take a lot of our attention and time, it’s easy to forget about ourselves or put our own personal needs last. Make an effort to spend at least a little bit of “me” time each day. It doesn’t have to be much. Even ten minutes spent relaxing and doing something completely selfish can be a great way to decompress and distress.
Practice Meditation
Let’s wrap this up with one last technique to keep stress at bay. Try meditating. Again, you don’t have to spend a lot of time on this. Sitting quietly and praying or going through a guided meditation once a day can do wonders. Once you get in the habit of practicing them daily and get better at it, you can draw on the techniques you’ve learned whenever you encounter a particularly stressful situation. You can spend a minute or two in meditation, even at the most stressful time and allow your mind to relax. Trust me; this will come in very handy when life throws you a curveball or when you’re feeling completely overwhelmed.
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