Recently, I’ve met several individuals who struggle with low self-esteem. It’s no wonder living in a supercritical world, unrealistic expectations set by media, and the overwhelming drive to be and do better. Low self-esteem is diabolical as it creeps into other areas of your life and sabotages success because of a lack of worth and confidence. I often see the internal pain and feel my eyes begin to well up as I listen to stories of the struggles of low self-esteem, reminded of my own experiences. Before long, however, hope and excitement build for them because I know change is possible. Like anything with staying power, there needs to be a strong foundation. I believe it is no different with self-esteem. What are you basing your feelings and beliefs on that speak to your value, ability, and worth? Are you letting others determine your values and how you feel about yourself?

Self-esteem also and communicating are connected in that when you feel good about yourself and have confidence, you are better equipped to effectively communicate and experience thriving relationships. Without that connection, there will always be a disconnect. I could teach online workshops where you learn skills about how to do things, but if you don’t have an underlying foundation, your change will not be lasting, effective, or authentic to you.

I like to use a framework I call “SOW Principles” to discuss and break down topics. When you think about SOW, you’re pouring into something; it’s a type of investment that you’re making, with the expectation that you’ll get something back. And so, SOW Principles is about how we invest in ourselves, others, and use wisdom to overcome the challenges we face. And so, S stands for Self, O stands for others, and W stands for wisdom.

I believe we all start at the same place…filled with promise and wonderfulness, I like to say, “You got it going on – you have inside of you what God intended for you to share with the world and to make an impact.” The challenge is, in life we come across stuff, all kinds of stuff-the good, bad, and ugly! What we experience impacts our perceptions, our thinking, and how we react to things and people.

For many of us, including me, my past wrecked my self-esteem. In fact, I would commonly tell people that my self-esteem was somewhere under a rock deep at the earth’s core. It was pretty bad. I found the lower my self-esteem got, the more negative self-talk occurred resulting in a vicious cycle that continued and developed into depression and a loss of desire to communicate and connect with others. Low self-esteem is a battle that wages war on you feeling lovable, capable, and successful. It will hold you back from achieving your goals and living a confident, fulfilled happy life. So let’s get to work and build your self-esteem for a brighter future!

Self is the first SOW principle for S.

Consider and ask yourself what in you is valuable and can positively impact others?

Yessss, start thinking like that – be kinder to yourself and focus on your positive qualities. It was common for me to use negative self-talk and say things like stupid or failure, and you’ll never get it right. I said all these things that stripped me of confidence, dignity, and self-respect. My words caused me to hate who I was. Little did I know that these negative emotions have their resting place in our brain. And our brain treats these emotions differently based on how we act and feel. Make sure to look for next week’s Vlog – I’ll go more into emotions and our brain. My research revealed super interesting studies about how the brain treats self-esteem. I can’t wait to share what I learned. Low self-esteem is not a simple fix-it’s entrenched battle of the mind so we will spend adequate time in the coming weeks on mindset changes and strategies to win the battle. 😊 Today, we start on an uphill journey of laying the foundation of improving our self-esteem.

 Let’s begin by stopping negative self-talk. I strongly believe in affirmations; if you were to go in my bathroom, you’d see all kinds of notes posted. Additionally, I have maintained an ongoing list in my journal to remind myself of my qualities when my head gets a little cloudy or all I see are negative things. Affirmations are descriptive nouns, not verbs about you. Even if I don’t feel it at that moment, I am reminded of who I am. There are times the mirror reflection is pointing at me, saying failure, loser, and other negative things…. I’ve learned to refer to my affirmations and point right back and declare I’m valuable, lovable, successful, and many other of my positive qualities.

For Self this week, I want you to work on eliminating negative self-talk. When the voices tear you down, boldly fire back with something positive, use affirmations that cancel out that negative thought. Start observing when you are using negative language and hold yourself accountable for constructive criticism but not demeaning behavior. Believe you are valuable and that you have something extraordinary to offer the world. When we talk about others, typically, we’re talking about how you can do things to positively impact others.

Others is the SOW Principle for O.

What impact do others have on your self-esteem?

If you struggle with self-esteem, you know where I’m going. It’s bad enough to battle internally…in addition, you have to deal with others who are not always kind, sometimes controlling, or just mean. Even if they mean well, hurting people, hurt people. My charge to you today is to take back your power!  I often talk about the importance of what you internalize, exposure yourself to, listen to, or accept. Start changing the channel, letting certain calls go to voicemail, locking the door, or go a different direction. Whenever possible, scrutinize what and who you allow into your space.

When faced with people who tear you down, say hurtful things, or attack your self-esteem, trust in your affirmations and values to build up your confidence. Who you are isn’t based on what other people say. Establishing your own set of values provides standards to rely on despite the situation. What they think or feel won’t have power over you any longer, empowering you to stand fiercely on your own.

Negativity will always be around, so you need to be prepared and understand your value. At one point in my life, my identity was built upon what I accomplished. I’m one of those – a worker and doer. So, while I might not have been very verbal, I showed you by what I completed and achieved. There came a time in my life where I had heartbreak, was in between jobs, and became seriously ill. You know, it was one of those seasons where life was in upheaval. Suddenly, everything that I had built, my identity and self-worth and self-esteem disappeared. I was like an empty shell because I believed my value had to do with what I produced. That was a really, really painful experience.

As I share, I think about so many others who are there.  I want to encourage you – you are more than what you do! This leads back to consistently affirming who you are (not what you do) and having a set of values that help you align your thinking with what is important to you versus the expectations of others.

This week in your journal list all your accomplishments and commit to write five new affirmations (descriptive nouns) of who you are. None of us are perfect. So we might not always act like we want to be, but claim who you are and stand on that. And don’t let anyone steal that away from you.

Wisdom is the SOW Principle for W.

Are you using wisdom to establish your values?

As we strengthen our personal development skills, we always want to use wisdom. Looking at different seasons in my life, when I was younger, my values were what everybody told me that they should be. I came to a point in my life when I began to create values based on what I wanted. As my faith grew in God, my values changed from ever-changing world views to be what God established that they should be. And that became my foundation. When your values are set, they serve as a foundation that no matter how crazy your day, year, world, family, friends, living situation, finances get, your values ground you and provide a strong foundation to gauge your thoughts.

So my wisdom challenge to you is to outline your values. They will become a valuable tool in building and maintaining your self-esteem. When the voices are telling you something different, you can go to your value statements for assurance.

Download my Outlining Values Handout, a 2 page fillable pdf to get started.

Negative energy and yucky people will always be around so be prepared and armed with affirmations and your value statements. If you have to work or live with them, stand confidently on who you are, despite what they might say.

Make sure that you prioritize investing in yourself so that you can have a brighter future. DM or post comments living a life on your terms-improving your self-esteem as you base on your values and not others.

Food for Thought: If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything. -Alexander Hamilton